Hitbodedut is a well-known practice from the times of Avraham Avinu ztk’l. Hitbodedut is derived from the root word boded (alone) and differs from that of the siddur. It is certainly not intended to replace the structured prayer given to us by Anshei Knesset HaGedola (Sages of Yisrael), but to complement it.
Isn’t it just a Breslover Chassidic custom? Although hitbodedut has taken a more ‘popular’ stand through the Chassidic movement our forefathers have always practiced it. We give voice to our innermost desires, emotional turmoil, spiritual yearning, materialistic needs, teshuva, and of course express our gratitude for the endless gifts – those we notice and the infinite gifts that go unnoticed.
Hitbodedut is a spontaneous form of tefilla since it is not read from a pre-written text. The central theme of this tefilla is to bridge the distance between us and Hashem, particularly due to the busy rat race of life. Amazingly our emuna will strengthen, clarity of thought will enter our mind and inner serenity will start to set in.
In a nutshell hitbodedut is Torah therapy. It is a healing session with the One who knows us best.
Hitbodedut = private secluded one-on-one ‘talk’ with HaKadosh Baruch Hu – here we let go of our doubts, fear and confusion. It is a time to sing, dance, cry, laugh or even remain silent through quiet contemplation.
Ideally one should practice hitbodedut during the evening times when the world has slowed down its pace. At night, businesses are closed and the materialistic pull on life is loosened. Men can find their connection to the Borei Olam through walking the fields and surrounded by nature. Women can reach lofty heights by just sitting on their porch, yard or in their home.
At first, it may not come easy to just open up a conversation with Hashem. It is a good idea to warm up by offering words of heartfelt thanks to Hashem for all of the gifts that He has given you individually and to the nation of Israel collectively.
Feel free to go into detail over some of the things and events that you are particularly grateful for like the washing machine that works, water that comes from the faucet, car, roof over your head, food, check that didn’t bounce, eyes that can see, people that make you smile, zechut to do mitzvot and teshuva, etc. As we step out of the humdrum routine of life and settle our mind we begin to notice the endless list of reasons we need to be thankful for yet may have not noticed before. After voicing our appreciation the ‘buried’ issues will surface and your heart will stir with yearning and closeness to Hashem.
Hitbodedut is not reserved only for tzaddikim and Rabbeim. It is for the run-of-the-mill me and you.
Solitary tefilla, hitbodedut, was common practice for our Patriarchs who roamed the fields and desert and recited passukim of tehillim, praise and teshuva before Hashem. The time used for hitbodedut was and still is seen as private time with the Borei Olam: just you and Hashem.
A main purpose for some is to heal their broken hearts. For others, it is to break their hearts; greatly enough it serves both drives. When life rips the joy out of us, we become brokenhearted. Our spiritual hishtadlut at this point is to run into Hashem’s waiting embrace and take refuge. This occurs instantly as we pour out our feelings to our Creator who loves us and wants us to recognize His love. He sits, as it were, and waits for us to meet Him during hitbodedut. There we are safe and not judged; only comforted.
Yet some people are packed with pride and need their hitbodedut to break their hearts and melt their egos. Upon contemplating the awesomeness of Hashem and His ability to change personal and world-wide events in the blink of an eye, they experience their smallness. Not just tininess but vulnerability to the uncertainty of life. For them, this is the place where their ego gets tempered and disciplined.
Hitbodedut can never go wrong. Whatever we need to let go of or add into our lives will come during our private hour with Hashem. What a gift!
Today’s daily dose of emuna is dedicated to the refuah shleimah of Naomi Miriam bas Roysa Shpetl. May Hashem send her a complete healing b’riut hanfesh v’b’riut haguf among all of Klal Yisrael who are in need of refuot, yeshuot v’nechamot, Amen.
Reb Noson ztk’l, the foremost disciple of Reb Nachman ztk’l describes the greatness of hitbodedut: “Try to picture the high priest as he entered the holy of holies at the one time of year that was permitted, Yom Kippur. In describing his appearance, the high priest looked like “one who sits in solitude to pray before Hashem.” “Imagine,” said Reb Noson, “the high priest entering the holy of holies is likened to the person who sits and pours out his heart before Hashem”. Through hitbodedut we can as it were, enter the holy of Holies each and every day!
In particular, during those times when we are in pain and feel alienated we should return to the warmth of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. When our heart is most bitter and confused we are in the position to be closest to Hashem. “Karov Hashem l’nishbari lev… (Hashem is near those with broken hearts…)”writes Dovid HaMelech in tehillim (34:19). It is precisely when our spirits are crushed and filled with sorrow that we receive comfort and insight as a response to our crying out for our specific needs.
This is the consoling path of hitbodedut and teshuva. It is simple to enter this pathway; go to a place where you will be undisturbed, talk in your own language and in your own words, and just pour your heart out one on one – just you and Borei Olam. This is the path of the tzaddikim. This is our path to teshuva.
This world is filled with illusions; the most ‘real’ to us is the idea that Hashem is far from us. Hitbodedut breaks this false impression. Hashem is here and wants us to come back. The Ba’al Shem Tov HaKadosh teaches hitbodedut causes us to wipe away the illusions and see the hidden truth of life; how close Hashem really is!
Dovid HaMelech ztk’l sang awesome songs of praise to Hashem and so can we! How? By recognizing that all is from Hashem and not due to our might and power.
Knowing is one thing; taking it to heart and stirring our emotions with this knowledge is another. Singing is an outer expression of a heartfelt feeling. We can truthfully praise Hashem and enter a state of kingship as Dovid HaMelech if we chose to live our lives as he did. Dovid HaMelech did hishtadlut but never forgot that his successes and failures were due solely to Hashem.
We live in a world where the yetzer hara constantly feeds us the message of the Western world, ‘Work and you shall achieve’. Our calling is to run away from the bearers of this message as one who runs from fire. Some say the message is not so harmful, what’s the big deal anyway?! Yet if we follow their advice we will be enticed to sin and our emuna will be weakened.
It may begin with innocent reading of the local newspaper or socializing with others who believe it to be true. Yet eventually we become incited by the secular way of thinking. ‘It is just worthless chatter… a business meeting….’ However, it all has a profound effect of us without us even being aware.
The yetzer hara smiles at us like a friend but secretly is our enemy. He tells us tales, paints us fantasies, and targets our feelings. He sells us old merchandise inside a dazzling package all the while being worthless.
Our ammunition is our awareness; we are being tricked! “Success is not due to my might and intellect. Everything is precise and given in accordance to Hashem’s will no matter how much I do.” Those are the words that brings us to sing as Dovid HaMelech did.
Today’s daily dose of emuna is sponsored L’iluy nishmat Tzviya bas Mordechai z’l. May her neshama bask in the Divine radiance among all the tzaddikim who have departed from this world, Amen.
If you wish to sponsor a daily dose of emuna please contact oritriter@gmail.com.
When it comes to hishtadlut (invested effort)and emuna there is a noted difference in the amount of effort one should invest in material vs. spiritual pursuits. Investing time in materialistic acquisitions should be limited. However, when it comes to spiritual matters there is no end to the amount of hishtadlut one should extend; assuming it does not cause undue emotional pressure on oneself.
When asked ‘how much hishtadlut must we put in’ this generally indicates an inability to ‘Let Go and Let G-d’. If we feel we are the ones bringing the results due to our effort then we’ve misplaced our emuna in the commandment of hishtadlut. It is most important not to get emotionally attached to hishtadlut and remember that Hashem is doing everything and doesn’t ‘need’ our help in getting things done.
Hishtadlut is required to the point where Hashem’s intervention is hidden in the realm of nature and does not appear as a miracle. Yet the amount of hishtadlut solely depends on the level of emuna we are on at that time. If our emuna is strong we won’t feel the need to do a lot. However for those of us who are just beginning to build our emuna the more hishtadlut we may feel we need to do.
In part two of self-esteem, we can strive to answer the question “Why is it so important to feel good about ourselves?” Aside from the obvious psychological reasons there is a spiritual basis for self-esteem.
First, the mitzvah of ‘Veahavta l’Reiacha Kamocha’ (loving our neighbor as ourselves) is dependent on oheving (loving) ourselves? As this mitzvah is considered the basis or summary of the Torah according to Hillel, Hashem is thereby instructing us to love ourselves as a fundamental precondition to fulfilling all other mitzvot. Only by first loving ourselves are we able to then extrapolate that love and enthusiasm for life to others as well.
Furthermore, the more we cherish ourselves the greater the joy we feel in keeping mitzvot. We are thus more able to utilize our strengths to fulfill our mission in life. It is essential not only to love ourselves but to appreciate our unique talents and strengths that enable us to accomplish our task we were born to fulfill.
Appreciating our talents and G-d-given gifts greatly enhances our Avodat Hashem. Indeed, our physical and spiritual motivation increases according to how good we feel about ourselves and how much we believe we can achieve.
Emuna is not limited to trusting in Hashem but also extends to acknowledging that He trusts us to accomplish our unique purpose and thus enrich the world with G-dliness and be co-partners with Him. We need emuna in ourselves to believe that we have the capability to fulfill the monumental task that Hashem has appointed each of us to do.
Often, those suffering from low self-esteem apply self-pity as a ‘balm’ to their wounds. In truth, statements like, “Nobody cares about me” or “I never have time for myself” are actually a cry for attention. Admittedly, each person must nourish themselves first and not surrender themselves to the point where they feel they are being taken advantage of. However, if we have filled up on enough positive energy and self-attention we should be able to give to others from a position of strength and not from self-pity or negativity.
A question often arises as to how much chesed we should be doing. The key to the answer is self-awareness. Knowing our limitations and capabilities is the best indicator of how much or how little chesed we should be doing, both in and outside of the house. Of course, there will be times we are required to over-extend ourselves and times when we feel we can give less. However, generally we must look within and explore our boundaries and limitation. We should not be driven by impulse. Nor should we undertake a chesed in order to be praised by others. We must delve within and ensure we are not to be doing chesed for the sake of admiration. Investing sufficient thought into the extent of our limits is a great contribution towards, self-respect, self-awareness and ultimately self-esteem.
Some with poor self-worth have a difficult time accepting compliments. Rejecting complements may occur because they do not think of themselves as worthy. Alternatively, it may occur because they wish to hear another compliment after they dismiss the first. Or perhaps they want others to think how humble they are? Regardless of the reason, rejecting a compliment causes us to be unfair to both ourselves and the one handing out the compliment.
Ultimately, low self-worth is tied to a low level of emuna. In failing to accept a compliment or undertake chesed for the wrong reasons, we are failing to recognize Hashem in the picture. With regard to chesed, complaining of being taken advantage of is failing to recognize that it is Hashem sending us the chesed opportunity, thereby enabling us to increase our self-knowledge and awareness. With regard to complements, by rejecting a compliment directing at His creation, we are indirectly rejecting Him. Furthermore, we are failing to recognize that He sends us messages via the events and people in our lives.
He constantly showers us with gifts and ‘kind words’ given to us through His many emissaries. It is a great chesed to allow another to share warm words and acts of kindness. Hashen wants us to feel cherished by Him, experience pleasure and feel His closeness. By accepting these compliments we are acting as a kli to accepting Hashem’s bracha.
Many of us misunderstand the reason we do mitzvot; for certain it is not because they ‘make sense’ or we feel how valuable they are to life. The true basis for keeping mitzvot is because Hashem wills us to do so, no further explanation.
The RamBam ztk’l writes the ultimate knowledge is to recognize we have little or no knowledge; the greater the Torah scholar the more unanswered questions he has rather than thinking he knows and understands it all.
For certain we want to connect through our logical minds yet a mitzvah in and of itself is a connector – mitzvah from the word tzavta, team ship. The yetzer hara works hard at robbing us of joy while doing mitzvot if we cannot connect to them rationally. However joy should stem from knowing we are one with Hashem while doing any mitzvah, whether we grasp it’s inner depth or not.
This may be unattractive to the modern thinking person. Yet it should be seen as admirable since it is only the humble who can do mitzvot and recognize the boundaries of human mind. Ahava and Yirah are two components of serving Hashem. Ahava is a result of immediate closeness to Hashem. However yirah is formed through a sense of distance – you cannot see anything clearly when put directly in front of the eyes.
Emuna is a certain inner knowing, the ability to see Hashem in everything; which is beyond the human mind. Joy is a result of doing mitzvot injected with emuna!
Today’s daily dose of emuna is dedicated l’iluy nishmat Ariella Rivka bat Avraham z’l. May her neshama bask in the Divine light of the Shechinah HaKedosha among all the tzaddikim who have departed from this world, Amen.
Thoughts are potent and eternal. Positive thoughts are rooted in the soul and create spiritual angels. Wanting to help another in thoughts is felt by the other.
Pharoah is the source of negativity that limits us and make us believe we cannot succeed. The evaluation of who we are is solely dependent on the quality of our thoughts. Our Chassidic Masters teach that thoughts are like water- they sustain us and are always in motion.
How can we battle negative thoughts? Here are some practical tips:
Keep a storehouse of positive Torah thoughts and make them available to replace negative ones that ‘pop up’. Negative thoughts are attracted to an empty mind therefore keep your mind filled with Torah words and teachings.
Visualization – creates sensory experiences and fills you with joy and inspiration. Imagine Hashem’s loving presence embracing your struggles with you and lifting you to greater heights.
Cry for help from Hashem – Chazal teach “Barati Yetzer hara Barati Torah tavlin: I created the yetzer hara, I created Torah as its antidote”. Hashem is always here to guide and help us bring out our best. “Hashem I want to think good – Please help me win this battle against my negative thoughts.”
Start your day off with gratitude – the ultimate weapon against negative thoughts.
Remember you control what you do with the negative thought when it comes to mind.
I welcome you to continue the journey to emotional well-being through one-on-one Torah therapy through a variety of methods including guided imagery and compassionate communication.
